I hope you’ve been doing well. I know it’s been forever since my last note—over three months. I know, I’m horrible 😭. But I’m hoping to fix that.
Lately, I’ve also started sharing shorter thoughts throughout the week—just quick Side Notes, like the one I sent recently. My goal is to have a talk with you every week, even if it’s just a brief chat. Because that’s what real friends do 😊.
Speaking of real friends, I actually started today’s note a few months ago. And while I have a whole lot to update you on, I need to make sure I get this one out first.
This note focuses on something I believe every true friendship requires. And of course, as with most things in life, experience is the best teacher. So I want to share something that happened to me recently that helped me understand this lesson a little better.
So, if you have a little time, I’d love to share it with you.
Cat!
What a distinguised gentlman 😂 Photo by Pet foto from Pexels
So, one of my friends who I’ve known for a little over three years—we’ll call her Mary—and I had a bit of a disagreement fairly recently. Let me give you some background to the best of my ability so you can understand the situation.
Mary and I don’t see each other or even talk very often. Every once in a while, we’ll play some Fortnite together, but we aren’t regularly calling or texting each other. So, like a lot of friendships like ours, we often send each other Instagram Reels or TikToks as a way of staying in touch. You know, the usual “this was so funny” or “this made me think of you, so I had to send it” kind of thing.
Well, one day I sent her a video that I thought was hilarious, believing she would think so too.
I got a very different reaction.
She told me she didn’t like the video because it was made with AI.
As you probably know, AI-generated videos have become increasingly popular—not to mention sophisticated. Some of them are getting so good that it can actually be difficult to tell whether what you’re watching is real or not. I can’t remember exactly what happened in this particular video, but I believe it was a dog moving in a way that was unnaturally human. So yeah, it was pretty obviously AI 😅. Still, I thought it was funny and figured my friend would too.
Some time passed, and we continued catching up in the ways we normally do. Eventually, I came across another video.
Now, before I continue, you need to know something about Mary: she LOVES cats. In fact, she loves them so much that she adopted one and has been a proud cat mama for about two years now.
Nah because what is even going on lol
So when I came across a video of a cat dancing like Michael Jackson, I thought I had a winner. 😂 With the Michael Jackson movie coming out around that time, I thought it was especially funny. Obviously, the video was AI-generated, but it was cute, it was funny, and most importantly…
IT HAD A CAT.
Surely she would love this one.
Wrong, lol.
This time, the exchange became a little more intense.
She assertively told me to stop sending her AI videos, in a tone that, at the time, I didn’t feel was warranted. A little frustrated myself, I responded by essentially saying that I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but confirmed that I understood and wouldn’t send them anymore.
She seemed to take offense to my response and sent me a much longer explanation. She told me that AI-generated content can be harmful to artists and that, being an artist herself, she found those videos offensive.
I didn’t take her response very well. Honestly, I was a little upset.
But instead of feeding into the interaction and potentially turning a disagreement into an argument, I simply replied:
“Understood.”
That was basically my way of ending the conversation. No lie, the whole exchange rubbed me the wrong way, and at that point, I just wanted out of it as quickly as possible.
What I didn’t realize was just how long that silence would last.
Days turned into weeks. Our usual little check-ins disappeared. No random videos. No Fortnite. No casual conversations.
And before I knew it, it almost felt like we weren’t friends anymore.
One-Sided
love this image, comes from Linkedin
To understand why this interaction bothered me so much, I think you need to understand a little more about my friendship with Mary.
We met at an art show and pretty quickly realized we had a lot in common. At the time, we were both content creators looking for ways to explore our creative sides. From Your Big Brother didn’t even exist yet, but Mary was actually one of the first people I told about the idea.
Outside of that, we genuinely have a lot in common. We’re both gamers and have spent plenty of time playing different games together. She legit got me to try Minecraft, which is NOT normally my type of game 😂, but somehow I ended up really enjoying it. We’re both pretty lighthearted, we have similar senses of humor, and overall, we just get along.
So it makes sense that we became good friends.
And that’s exactly why this exchange caught me so off guard.
I’ve always tried to be thoughtful and understanding when it comes to the people I care about. But in that moment, I didn’t feel like that same understanding was being extended to me.
In my head, I kept thinking, How could Mary see this as anything other than a gesture of friendship?
I saw a video. I know you love cats. It made me think of you. So here ya go.
Last funny cat gif I promise 😭
Yes, it was made with AI. And yes, I understood that she didn’t like AI-generated content. But from my perspective, that wasn’t the important part. What mattered to me was the thought behind sending it.
I thought of you.
I’m not gonna lie, the whole thing started making me look at our friendship differently.
I began thinking, If you can’t see that I was only trying to be nice, or understand that I would never intentionally do something to hurt you, then maybe you don’t understand me as well as I thought you did.
Normally, I try not to let things like this take up too much space in my head. But when it involves someone I consider a close friend, the hurt hits a little differently.
And for a while, I couldn’t get past that.
“
the hurt hits a little differently…
Third Party
Photo by cottonbro studio:
Because Mary and I had known each other for some time and genuinely got along, it didn’t sit right with me that we were suddenly at odds. However, I still felt like I was right in the situation, so I decided I wasn’t going to reach out if she wasn’t.
But even that didn’t feel 100% right.
The whole situation was genuinely bothering me, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t seem to let it go. So I decided to do something I don’t do very often: I asked for advice.
There’s another good friend of mine who I’ve known even longer. We’ll call her Hood. Hood and I talk pretty regularly, and they’re actually a content creator as well—we originally met through YouTube. Although she’s younger than me, Hood has always been unusually wise and insightful, two qualities I’ve always admired about them.
So I figured if there was anyone I could talk to about this, it would be her.
I explained everything to Hood: what I sent, my intentions behind sending it, Mary’s reaction, my response, and everything that happened afterward.
And to Hood’s credit, they didn’t just tell me what I wanted to hear.
She took her time and helped me look at the situation from both sides.
Hood reminded me that Mary had already told me she didn’t like AI-generated content, especially as an artist herself. They explained some of the concerns surrounding generative AI, including its environmental impact and the ways artists feel their work and livelihoods can be affected by it.
Me wondering who gonna text who 😂😭
I’ll be honest—I hadn’t really considered any of that.
Suddenly, I could better understand why something I considered harmless could mean something completely different to Mary.
But Hood also helped me understand why I was hurt.
She pointed out that Mary knows the kind of person I am and should know that I would never intentionally send her something to upset or disrespect her. Mary was absolutely within her right to feel the way she did about the video, but Hood also felt there was room for her to consider the intention behind what I had done.
Then they pointed out where both of us had dropped the ball:
Communication.
At any point, either one of us could have slowed things down, taken a gentler approach, and explained ourselves better. Instead, we both allowed our frustration to add more heat to a situation that probably never needed to get that hot in the first place.
Talking to Hood helped me see things from Mary’s perspective while also making me feel seen in my own.
And yet…
There was still something in me that wouldn’t let me reach out.
I honestly don’t know exactly what it was. Maybe it was pride. Maybe reaching out first felt too much like admitting I was wrong. Whatever it was, I knew I didn’t like it.
So eventually, I brought it to God.
I prayed and essentially said, “If Mary and I are meant to remain friends, please help me fix this. And if we aren’t, help me let it be.”
Then I left it there.
“
Whatever it was, I knew I didn’t like it.
31 minutes, 28 seconds
Photo by Naza Smith:
Ironically, my conversation with Hood and my plea to God both happened on my 36th birthday, January 28th.
The day started like any other. I had some work earlier in the day and even treated myself to a little gaming, but nothing too special. Throughout the day, though, I received texts and phone calls from close friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, which really made my day.
That evening, a friend surprised me by asking me to dinner. So after my last tutoring session, I got in the car and started making my way to the restaurant.
About 10 minutes into my drive, my phone rang.
It was Mary.
I honestly wasn’t expecting that.
She started by singing “Happy Birthday” to me, and then we just… talked.
After nearly a month of not speaking, we caught up like we always had. She asked about my birthday, what I had done that day, and what my plans were for the evening. We laughed, talked about life, and for those few minutes, it almost felt like nothing had ever happened between us.
Before she let me go enjoy my dinner, I sincerely thanked her for calling and told her how much it meant to me. We even made plans to play Fortnite later that week before wishing each other a good night.
I can’t even lie to you—I did not expect that phone call.
But I am so glad she made it.
I can’t describe the relief I felt afterward. We never explicitly said it, but I like to think we were both communicating the same thing in our own way:
“I’m sorry. Let’s keep being friends.” 🥹
To think, after nearly 30 days of silence, something that had been weighing on me so heavily was softened by one phone call.
31 minutes and 28 seconds.
Our actually call log, if you add it up lol
And just like that, I had my friend back.
That experience taught me something about friendship that I think I needed to learn.
Just like anything else worth building, friendships require effort and intention to maintain. Sometimes that means doing something uncomfortable. Sometimes it means putting your pride aside. Sometimes it means listening to a perspective you don’t agree with. And sometimes it means choosing to make the phone call.
It can be much easier to avoid uncomfortable situations and let a friendship slowly disappear than to confront what happened and try to repair it.
I’m thankful to have friends like Mary, whose different perspectives can challenge me and force me to grow. And I’m thankful for friends like Hood, who care enough to listen without simply telling me what I want to hear. They helped me see that understanding someone doesn’t always mean agreeing with them.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this:
If you truly care about someone, don’t let every bump in the road convince you that you’ve reached the end of it.
Some friendships aren’t meant to survive everything. But when you have one that is worthwhile, don’t let pride, discomfort, or one disagreement make the decision for you.
Sometimes you have to be willing to fight for the friendship.
And sometimes, all it takes to start fixing things is 31 minutes and 28 seconds.
P.S. Writing this note also pushed me to think more seriously about the environmental concerns surrounding generative AI and its impact on artists. Going forward, I want to be more intentional about supporting and using work created by real artists whenever I can
Now, Let’s Talk About You
Thank you for taking the time to listen. I want to hear from you now, can you tell me about a disagreement with a friend or loved one that you had. What happened? Did you learn anything, send me a message.
Take care and talk to you soon Rich Your Big Brother
Thank you Reader for reading this. The fact that you care enough to listen to what I have to say means so much. The world is a pretty difficult place sometimes, and our mental health can make all the difference. Please know that as long as you will allow me, I am here with you.
