November 5, 2024
Note # 3 : Monster in the Closet
Intro
Intro
Hey there again! I hope you’ve been doing well and taking care of yourself.
Thank you for choosing to spend some time reading this note. It means a whole lot, and I’m grateful for you.
Also, Happy (Late) Halloween! 🎃 As I write this, it’s a few days before the holiday, so I hope you got to enjoy yourself—whether you stayed home watching movies or are still brave enough to go trick-or-treating, lol.
If you’ve guessed from the title of this note, we’re kind of going along with the theme of the festivities.I actually thought of this concept on the fly while wrapping up the previous note. My ADHD went wild with the idea of tying today’s message to something that oddly stood out in my past.
So if you are ready, here we go!
The Monster in the Closet
One of my favorite movie genres of all time is horror. I love the thrill of a good scary movie and consider myself a bit of a horror movie buff.
There was one Halloween I remember from when I was younger, which I spent with my siblings. Throughout the week, a TV station ran a program counting down 100 of the scariest movie moments.
The show featured iconic actors and directors of the genre, all sharing their personal stories and commentary on each film. While all the stories were interesting, one in particular captivated me and has stuck with me ever since.
Guillermo Del Toro—a legendary director known for Academy Award-winning works like The Shape of Water and most recently Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio—shared an experience from his childhood that centered around fear. (I personally became a fan after watching Hellboy, but let me not get off-topic, lol.)
During the interview, Del Toro recalled a significant childhood memory. As a child, he frequently wet the bed. When his frustrated parents asked why, he confessed that he was too scared to leave his bed because of a monster in his closet. So, when he needed to pee, he stayed in bed, terrified the monster would eat him. His parents, not believing him, threatened to punish him with a beating if he didn’t stop wetting the bed.
The next night, Del Toro went to bed with a plan. When he felt the urge to go to the bathroom, he fearfully got out of bed and stood in front of his closet. He pleaded with the monster, promising to be its friend forever if it let him go to the restroom. He then hurried to the bathroom. The next night, he didn’t see the monster, and he never saw it again.
Facing My Monster
As I’ve come to know myself more deeply, I realize that one of my biggest fears is vulnerability. This stems largely from my upbringing and the trust issues that developed as certain things unfolded in my life. So, in turn, I kept my depression a secret—even from those I loved most.
I was afraid that if I told them what was really happening, they would judge me or see me as weak. For the most part, I’ve been known as the strong one, and the idea of shattering that image terrified me. So, I suffered in silence, fearing I’d be seen as “less than.”
In October 2022, my depression pulled me down to one of the lowest, darkest points in my life. I reached a place where I couldn’t envision a future with me in it.
I desperately needed help, but help was a foreign concept to me. Seeking it meant facing the darkness inside me and exposing it to those I cared about. I had never done that before and wasn’t even sure if I could. But it came down to this:
let my family and close friends see my cry for help or have them all cry at my funeral.
Thankfully, I tore down my walls of solace and allowed my loved ones to see the sad parts of me. They responded with an overwhelming love that loosened depression’s crushing grip on my soul. With God’s help and the support of my family and friends, my life was saved—and I lived.
The Other Side of Fear
While writing this blog, I thought of a quote I’d always heard but never knew the origin of: “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” This quote came from George Adair, a 19th-century real estate developer.
As someone who deals with anxiety in pretty much all areas of life, I know fear very well. I let fear have power over me, allowing it to dictate a good portion of my life. Like many of us, I allow fear to discourage, disengage, and divert me from opportunities that could truly change my life.
Guillermo Del Toro went from wetting the bed to creating some of the most iconic films in history because he stood up to the monster in his closet.
Because I faced my fear of vulnerability in my deepest depression, I gained an incredible support system of family and friends. Like Del Toro, I conquered my fear and gained a strength I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.
As scary as that monster may be, you have to face in order to grow into the person you’re meant to be. Don’t let fear keep you from something that could change the trajectory of your life for the better. You deserve the great things on the other side of your fears
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my fear with you. Now, I have something for you to do…
Self-Work: Face Your Monster
If you’re anything like me, you have small fears standing in the way of things you want to start.
Maybe you want to begin your fitness journey, but you’re scared of people judging you.
Maybe you’re afraid to ask out that person you have a crush on, or maybe you’re curious about starting therapy but intimidated by what others might think.
Whatever your fear, take some time this week to write down what exactly you’re afraid of regarding it. Then, make a pros and cons list of facing this fear. Finally, after your list, take a small step toward confronting it.
Repeat these steps until you’re ready to face your fear—and then go for it. If you want to share or need help, please reach out and tell me about it.
Things That Made Me Smile :
Shut Up My Mom’s Calling (Sped Up) by Hotel Ugly
Found this song when I was driving home late from work, instantly added it to my playlist
Check it out on spotify below 👇🏾
I saw this instagram video this week and its very relatable and had me laughing 😂😭
@heymrroe on instagram
