​

March 14, 2025 ​ From Your Big Brother

Note # 9 : Rose-Colored Glasses

read time: 5-6 mins

Intro

Hey! How are you doing?

I hope everything has been going well for you so far this week. And if it hasn’t, I know that will change soon. As always, I really appreciate you choosing to spend some time with me today, reading this note.

In my previous note, I briefly talked about celebrating my 35th birthday in Jamaica and how I started a tradition of viewing my birthday as a tremendous opportunity to do something brand new. I also mentioned how I felt a desperate need to shake off some of the remnants of my toxic relationship with my ex-girlfriend, Sunny.

Writing that note made me reflect on all the things that went wrong in that relationship. It sort of hit me all at once, like the floodgates had just opened. I found myself thinking, How the fuck did I not see that coming? Why did I allow myself to be subjected to all that? What was going on in my mind to make me think any of it was okay? Suddenly, I was bombarded with all these questions that I didn’t have the answers to.

Looking back at everything that happened between me and Sunny, I often wondered why I was so blind to it all. But then it hit me—I wasn’t blind at all. I just had selective vision when it came to certain things.

Now, if you don’t mind a story, I’d love to elaborate on what I mean.

Under the Influence

Have you ever heard the term beer goggles before? If you haven’t, it refers to the phenomenon where an intoxicated person becomes physically attracted to someone they usually wouldn’t be. The person is said to have put on their beer goggles. However, when they sober up, they realize that the person they were pursuing isn’t their type at all—hence, the beer goggles coming off.

Funny enough, my old therapist used this analogy in one of our sessions when talking about Sunny. But let me be clear—there were no beer goggles involved with Sunny, lol. The truth is, at the time, she was the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on. So believe me when I say, alcohol had nothing to do with my attraction to her.

However, my therapist used this analogy to introduce her next point… rose-colored glasses.

If you’ve never heard the term rose-colored glasses, let me explain. It describes people who have an overly optimistic perspective, choosing to see only the good in things—even in unpleasant situations. Think glass half full, but cranked up to the 10th power. 😅

When it comes to relationships, wearing rose-colored glasses means seeing only the positive traits in your partner while essentially ignoring the negative ones. Now, you might be thinking, Well, how bad can that be? Isn’t it great to have a positive outlook on everything? What harm could that possibly bring?

Spoiler alert: A lot of harm, actually. 🙄

My “Sun” Glasses

When trying to describe the feelings I had for Sunny, the word enamored is the first that comes to mind. The love I had for that woman was unlike anything I had ever experienced with anyone else. Shit, if I can be real for a second… In my 35 years of living, Sunny was, without question, my first true love. And at the time, I felt so proud that she had earned that title.

Not only was Sunny beautiful, but I also loved her intellect. She had a certain curiosity for learning intriguing things that I deeply admired—probably because I’m the same way. This fueled the deep conversations we had on a regular basis. We also shared a similar taste in music, a matching sense of humor, and, of course, a mutual love for SpongeBob (hence the SpongeBob-themed birthday party I mentioned in my last note). I could go on and on about why Sunny and I should have been a perfect match, but instead, I want to briefly share why we weren’t.

One thing that stands out clearly in my relationship with Sunny is the number of times we broke up. More specifically, the number of times she initiated those breakups—pretty much 99% of them. Every relationship has its bumps along the way, but Sunny turned those bumps into brick walls.

She was also incredibly inconsiderate of my feelings. The constant breakups alone were proof of that, but there were other instances, too. For example, whenever I had an issue with something she did, I always tried my best to express my concerns delicately and with compassion. But when the roles were reversed, Sunny wasn’t nearly as gentle. More often than not, I felt like I was being scolded by a parent rather than having a conversation with my girlfriend.

She was also emotionally volatile. I never knew how she would react to something I said or did, which made our relationship exhausting. Half the time, it felt like I was navigating a minefield, stepping carefully to avoid setting off an explosion.

And finally, I never felt fully respected as Sunny’s boyfriend. From the way she spoke to me when she was upset to the way she disregarded my feelings and input in various situations—it was clear that my emotions weren’t a priority to her. She even kept in contact with some of her exes and past situationships. Mind you, I had fully expressed how that made me feel and asked her to cut ties with them. But she didn’t listen. She did what she wanted to do.

And despite all of that… I stayed. But why?

Seeing, but Not Seeing

Well, friend, I know what you’re thinking. “Rich, those weren’t just small bumps in the road… those were some damn red flags.” 😅 And I would agree with you 100%. Those were serious red flags.

So you’re probably wondering, “Why didn’t you leave the relationship once and for all? Did you not see them?” And my answer? Love made me see them differently.

Being constantly broken up with, being talked down to, being unheard, being disrespected, and being undervalued—those were some of the shittiest things I had ever been put through. And yet, they wrongfully paled in comparison to how I felt about Sunny. When I say I loved that woman with my heart and soul, just know that I really fucking did.

But I see now that the love I had for her essentially blinded me to the fact that I was being mistreated. Hence, the rose-colored glasses.

Love can make you do some very unexpected things. Unfortunately for me, that meant subjecting myself to a world of hurt that I could have avoided. Love is an incredible thing—something truly priceless—but your well-being should never be the cost.

It took me a while to understand that. And even longer to accept it.

But now, it’s as clear as day.

The problem with rose-colored glasses is that red flags just look like… flags.

Self-Work: One Little Step

This was a difficult note to share, but I’m glad I did. It’s a reminder of how far I’ve come in understanding what true love is—and what I deserve as a partner in a relationship.

So, friend, I’ll leave you with this: While optimism is important, never let it blind you to reality. Do your best to see everything, not just the parts that are easy to love or accept.

Now, if you don’t mind, I have an assignment for you.

Think about a relationship you have or have had with someone in your life. It can be anyone—a significant other, a friend, a family member, etc. Can you recall a red flag you may have overlooked because of your rose-colored glasses? If so, take a moment to reflect on how that may still be impacting you today.

And as always, I’d love to hear about it—if you’re comfortable sharing. 👉🏾👈🏾

​

​

Things That Made Me Smile

​

Butterflies by Isaiah Falls, Joyce Wrice I found this song one day while driving around at night. I instantly put in on my playlist. ​ Check it out on spotify below 👇🏾 ​ ​

I found this video on tik tok and literally could not stop laughing. I watched it like 20 times 😂 ​ check it out

​

​

​

​

Thank you Reader for reading this. The fact that you care enough to listen to what I have to say means so much. The world is a pretty difficult place sometimes, and our mental health can make all the difference. Please know that as long as you will allow me, I am here with you.

Rich

Your Big Brother

​