Longest time I know, I truly apologize that it has been so long since we last connected. But life has been… life-ing lol.
On a more serious note, thank you for your patience and for sticking with me. I hope you have been doing well with all the time that has passed. I pray you had more good days than bad. And if not, then I pray you found a healthy way to cope in the midst of those hard days.
A lot has happened in the three months since I last shared a note with you. But today, I want to focus on something that has happened to me recently. It was a short and difficult time, but it showed me so much about what it is to have faith. So if you are ready to hear a story, I am ready to share one.
The Good
I did a photo shoot to showcase my business shirts
Before we get to the bad, let’s start with some great things that have been happening. As you may remember from my previous notes, I have been running my own private tutoring business for some time now. I actually just celebrated my sixth year in business which I am incredibly grateful for.
This past summer, I finished a very successful school year with all my students passing with significantly higher grades than usual. Some of them were even promoted from elementary and middle school. Needless to say, I am really proud of them want to continue to do all that I can to support them
One of my biggest goals has always been to help my high school students financially with college. As you know, everything is becoming more expensive, including college tuition. So its been a dream of mine to be able to provide scholarships to lighten their financial load. Recently, I was able to partner with a non-profit that not only offers financial help to high school and college students, but also supports them in other essential ways. We had our first meeting in May, and it went great!
Had to take a picture of the branding, so good!!
After the meeting, I met up with a really good friend of mine from college.We both love trying new food, and we had our eyes on a new bakery in Pasadena called BadAshBakes—a Black-owned spot that’s been getting a lot of buzz on social media. So we decided to give it a try (spoiler alert we weren’t disappointed lol).
Afterwards, we grabbed sandwiches at a restaurant and talked. I always appreciate spending time with him because I feel like we are very much alike. Also, random as hell but we have the exact same birthday as well. We don’t hang out often, but when we do its quality time filled with laughs and deep conversations.
Later that evening I met up for a surprise birthday dinner for one of my favorite cousins. His amazing wife who planned the whole thing told me of the surprise and asked that I be there for him. It was a no-brainer for me and I was more than happy to help. The dinner was a success and see his face light up was well was worth it.
But the surprise did not stop there. His wife arranged for him and I to go see a movie that has been on his wish list for a long time… Sinners! He was surprised to see the tickets were paid for and he would finally be able to see it. What he didn’t know was that it would actually be my second time seeing the movie… but of course, I didn’t tell him that, lol. That whole day felt like it was going in the books as one of the best I’ve had in a while. But not long after, it became memorable for a very different reason.
The Bad
After the movie let out, my cousin and I began fanning out about all the amazing details on our way to my car. As we got in the car and I started my engine, I noticed a very harsh and loud noise coming from my car. It did not sound anything like that earlier that day so I was very alarmed.
I turned off my car and made sure I was in the correct gear before starting it again, but to no avail, the sound persisted. It took me about 2.5 seconds before I realized what happened, my car’s catalytic converter had been stolen.
Unfortunately the area in which I live, this is a common crime. Catalytic converters are stolen due to the amount of precious metals they have like platinum. The process is quick as the thieves do not need much time to steal the part with hopes of selling it to a sketchy mechanic or junkyard.
What does this leave? A car that sounds like it’s a rocket taking off. Although the sound is annoying, what is really bothersome is that its illegal to have the car in that condition.. On top of that, the repairs can be painfully expensive, ranging anywhere from $1000-3000.
At the time I was in shock. But with my cousin right there, I felt like I couldn’t let him see me like that. So I forced a smile and assured him that I am just glad that we were safe. After I got him home safely, I drove home and it began to hit me. All I could think about was how horrible those people were for damaging my car for their own selfish gain. I can’t lie, I didn’t sleep much that night because it kept playing back in my mind.
AI Generated Image of a Tense Black Man. Crazy how detailed it is
The next day I could feel the emotional weight setting in. As I drove my car to my tutoring appointment, the deafening sound of my exposed exhaust reminded me of everything. I felt violated in a way that I hadn’t experienced before. This was the first time someone had broken into my car, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
While driving, I felt myself becoming emotionally stiff. I began to grip my steering wheel so tight I thought I might break it off. My eyes started to well up, and I froze like a deer in the headlights.. I caught myself picking at my fingernails uncontrollably (one of my anxious stims).
After a few minutes it hit me all of a sudden…
“Wow, I’m being triggered right now!”
Why is this happening?
“
I felt violated in a way that I hadn’t experienced before… and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Familiar Feeling
An Angel Looking Bummed Out Photo by KoolShooters
I had to set aside what I was feeling so I could focus on my tutoring session. But as soon as it ended, I found myself right back in that mental space, trying to process what had just happened
On my walk to the car, I started reflecting. In my head, all I could think about was how wrong it felt. I kept telling myself, I’ve been doing so much good lately. Pouring into others. Helping my students succeed and working on potential scholarships. Catching up with a great friend. Surprising my cousin with an amazing birthday dinner and a movie.
All this good I have been doing and putting into the world, and these assholes decided to screw me over. I had so much hurt in my heart I cant even lie to you. But I began to dive further, and asked where I felt this before?
It didn’t take long before I was able to pinpoint exactly where I first encountered this.
My relationship with Sunny was essentially identical to what happened to my car.
When you find out your recent trauma is connected to your ex 😭
With Sunny, I did everything I could do to be a great partner to her.
I gave her a safe space to vent about anything and everything.
I comforted her when life became overwhelming, offering shoulders to cry on.
She used to tell her friends how well I treated her. Some even called me the perfect “TikTok boyfriend.” 😅
But despite all the ways I tried to love her, none of it could shield me from the pain she caused.
The frequent breakups. The gaslighting. Never feeling heard or considered.It was a constant heartbreak that felt endless.
By nature, I’m a symbolic person. So naturally, I started connecting the dots.
The good I did for my cousin on his birthday, for my students, and for my friend—all of that mirrors the good I once did for Sunny. And in this situation, my car symbolized my heart. The thieves who stole my catalytic converter? They represent Sunny.
Stealing that piece from my car was the same as what she did to me emotionally. It might sound silly, but in my ADHD brain, it makes perfect sense.
The pain of being taken advantage of, feeling violated, or being punished for doing the right thing… there’s nothing like it.
“
There’s no hell like wondering if all the good you’re doing is ever going to be good enough.
Good-er
Really liked this image 😊
After having this moment of clarity and diving deep into my emotions, I began to talk to God. Literally just talking, as if he were walking with me to my car.
I asked him plain as day “ God, why did I deserve this? Haven’t I been doing good? Why did this need to happen to me?”
And just as clearly, I heard him respond:
“Why was Jesus crucified ? Why were thorns placed on His head? Why was He beaten so badly that His flesh ripped from His body and His innards were exposed?”
“Rich, Jesus was crucified and killed for trying to save people from themselves, you can handle your car being broken into”
Immediately I stopped walking and smiled. All I could think about was how silly I must have sounded trying to compare apples to oranges with God. In the grand scheme of things, my stolen catalytic converter was microscopic. Thinking about everything Jesus endured, just for me to turn around and complain about my car, really put things into perspective.
Right there and then I prayed and said “You are right God, I’m not going to worry about this any more. I give it to you.”
And just like that, I let it go.
Giving My problems to God 😭
The anxiety, the anger, the heaviness, it disappeared. I felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. And that’s when things started getting interesting.
Not long after, I shifted into “solution mode.” Problem: My catalytic converter was stolen. Solution: I need to get it repaired.
By simplifying it,I was able to move forward with a clear head. So I began calling around to local shops, telling them my situation and getting estimates. I found a place that I liked and decided to take my car to.
After taking a look, I received some great news from the mechanic. Turns out my vehicle has two catalytic converters, one for the front and the other for the back. The thieves stole the back converter, which while easier to get to, is less valuable as far as trying to sell on the black market.
What does this mean for me, a significantly cheaper repair.
If they had taken my front converter, my estimated cost to repair was quoted to about $1500. What I ended up paying, $550.
I was ecstatic. I was so sure that it would cost upwards of $2000, so seeing the price on the receipt helped me breathe a sigh of relief. On top of that, I already had the money saved up
Back in 2023, I had briefly started budgeting and managed to build a small emergency fund—and the money I’d saved covered the repair in full. I thanked God right then and there for allowing me to have the means. That alone was a blessing.
What once felt like a mountain had turned out to be just a molehill. And I was grateful.
Then about a week later, I got a call from my cousin—the same one who was with me the night it all happened. He asked how I was doing and wanted an update on the car. I was happy to tell him it had finally been fixed, and I even shared how the emergency fund had covered the repair.
We talked for a few more minutes before I got a text on my phone. It was from his wife. She had just sent a payment transfer for $600.
As I read the text, my cousin said, “We felt horrible about what happened and wanted to make it right.”
I quickly told them it wasn’t their fault and tried to return the money, but they playfully refused. They said they just appreciated everything I had done for them that night.
Man, when I tell you I was shocked, I mean it. After we got off the phone, I looked up at God and smiled. Almost like saying, “Okay… I see what You did there.” 😄
“
What once felt like a mountain had turned out to be just a molehill. And I was grateful.
Now, Let’s Talk About You
As I bring this note to a close I want to do my best to flush out my message.
Unfortunately, bad things are going to happen to you, no matter how much good you put into the world. It won’t always make sense, it won’t be at a convenient time, and it might hurt you in ways that you aren’t prepared for.
But when that happens, this is what I hope you do:
Understand the Problem What happened? What are its immediate effects on you? Say it plainly and honestly.
Let Yourself Feel
Understand That it’s okay to feel your feelings. Whatever emotions come up are your body’s instinctive response, let them happen. Cry, scream, say a curse word or two. Whatever you need to do, let it out
Identify the Root of the Pain
Once you’ve allowed your emotions some space, take time to reflect. When you’re ready, ask yourself: Where is this pain really coming from? Be patient with yourself—it’s okay if the answer takes time.
Rationalize the Problem:
Look at the situation from a wider view. Is this really a mountain, or is it a molehill in disguise? Once you understand its true size, it becomes easier to manage.
Fix it or Let it Go:
What would it take to fix the problem? If it’s something you can take care of, then handle it. If it’s out of your control, then release it. For me, I had to do both—I gave it to God, and that gave me the clarity I needed to take action.
Keep Doing Good
Plain and simple, you have to keep putting good into the universe. With where things are in this world, we must do what we can to put positivity out there. So please, continue to show up however you can.
Now, can I ask you for a favor?
I want you to try this. Think about something that’s been bothering you lately. Maybe it’s still weighing on you. Maybe it’s already passed, but the sting is still there. Walk through these steps. See if they help bring you peace or perspective.
And if you feel led to share your story with me, I’d truly love to hear it.
Take care and talk to you soon Rich Your Big Brother
Thank you Reader for reading this. The fact that you care enough to listen to what I have to say means so much. The world is a pretty difficult place sometimes, and our mental health can make all the difference. Please know that as long as you will allow me, I am here with you.
