*I started this note in January, but it took me a while to finish because of how difficult it was to write.
Intro
Hey there, how are you?
I hope all has been well since my last note. But in case it hasn’t, I’m sorry, and I hope things turn around for you soon. As always, thank you for spending some time with me today to hear what I have to say—it means a lot.
In my last note, we talked about how the start of a new year inspires so many people to make changes in their lives. For me, and for many others, one of those changes has been losing weight to improve my health. But there’s another kind of change I want to share with you—one that’s near and dear to my heart.
This past Tuesday, January 28th, was my birthday! That day marked my 35th trip around our yellow sun. And to top it off, I celebrated in Jamaica—my first solo trip outside the country, without any family or friends.
I want to share all the amazing things that have happened here, but first, I need to help you understand why this is such a big deal to me—why celebrating my birthday has always felt a little complicated. And to do that, I have to take you back in time.
So, if you’re ready to hear a story, I’m ready to tell one.
Just Another Day: 1990–2022
Growing up in our household, we never made a big deal about holidays or special events. This was especially true for birthdays. For as long as I can remember, birthdays in our family followed the same routine.
I would wake up, go downstairs, and stand in front of a cake while my family sang Happy Birthday. I’d blow out the candles, receive a card and maybe some presents, and that was it. The whole thing took about five minutes, and the rest of the day went on like any other. That’s how it was for me, and for the rest of my family, year after year.
Even though this was normal to us, it always felt off to me—like my birthday wasn’t being lived up to. Don’t get me wrong, I was thankful for the blessing of another year, but it felt like the magic of my birthday was missing. And the truth is, I never even knew what that magic was supposed to feel like.
Somewhere along the way, I started equating my “lackluster” birthday celebrations with how much my family and friends appreciated me. Because nothing special ever seemed to happen, I didn’t feel special. Ironically, as I got older and had the freedom to celebrate my birthday however I wanted… I still didn’t. And that only reinforced the negative feelings I had about my birthday, continuing the cycle.
My Dream car at one point: Tesla Model S
This went on until January 27th, 2023.
That year, battling feelings of emptiness, I decided to do something different. For the longest time, I had dreamed of driving a Tesla—it was my dream car. So, I downloaded a car rental app and decided to give myself a birthday present.
Only to find out that my driver’s license expired the very next day.
That meant I couldn’t rent the car.
When I tell you I was devastated beyond measure… For years, I had done nothing for my birthday and felt hopeless. And the one time I finally tried to do the smallest thing for myself, it failed—miserably. I won’t lie to you. All the frustration, anguish, and depression hit me at once, and I broke down in tears.
After some time, I prayed. I laid my pain before God and begged Him to make my birthday memorable. To perform a miracle so that I could feel that I mattered. That I was loved. That my being here was a good thing.
It felt like a long shot. But it was all I had.
And then, the next day happened.
“
I laid my pain before God and begged Him to make my birthday memorable.
Sunny’s Surprise: 2024
The morning of my birthday started like any other. I was cleaning my apartment when I got a call from my then-girlfriend, Sunny. She sounded worried, her voice tense. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong—just that she needed me to come over as soon as possible.
Concerned, I grabbed my keys and rushed to the door. But as I opened it, I froze.
Right in front of me were balloons and flowers, carefully placed on my doorstep.
Confused, I looked up and saw Sunny, standing there, recording the whole thing on her phone. She had faked an emergency just to get me outside—so she could surprise me with a decorated porch for my birthday.
I won’t lie—that moment touched me deeply.
I brought the gifts inside and wrapped her in a big hug and kiss. We talked for a while before she left, but before heading out, she told me she’d be coming back later to make dinner at my place. The only thing she asked was that I stay out of the apartment for a few hours in the afternoon.
Now, for the sake of keeping this note short (because trust me, I could go on about this), let’s just say there was no birthday dinner.
Sunny wanted me out of the house so she could set up something even bigger.
A surprise birthday party.
For me.
A party with my friends. My family.
Everyone I loved, gathered together, just to celebrate me.
I can’t put into words what that meant to me. It was overwhelming, in the best way. All my favorite people, in one place, showing me love in a way I had never experienced before. By the end of the night, I was so overcome with emotion that I broke down in tears.
Simply put, that was one of the best days of my life. And Sunny had made it happen.
A SpongeBob Bday party ( i will explain the context in a future note lol)
That birthday also became the first major milestone in our relationship—a moment I thought marked the start of something beautiful.
But, as you already know, it didn’t turn out that way.
The emotional and psychological trauma I endured in that relationship left a mark on me in ways I never could have imagined. And one of the biggest? It changed how I viewed my own birthday.
Even though Sunny had given me the most special birthday I’d ever had, the pain of what came after stained the memory.
When my next birthday came in 2024, I wanted nothing to do with celebrating.
And that’s when it hit me—I had started to associate my own birthday with the hurt I had felt in that relationship.
“
The trauma I endured in my relationship changed how I viewed my own birthday.
Breaking the Cycle: 2025
And that brings us to the present—2025.
I feared I would continue the pattern of dreading my own birthday. As the days crept closer, the familiar heaviness settled in. I felt more and more depressed thinking about it, especially since turning 35 felt like a milestone. Deep down, I knew I didn’t want a repeat of last year.
That’s when I made a decision.
For too long, I had let my birthday be dictated by others. And while that was great in some cases, I also saw the power it had over me when it wasn’t. I refused to let another year pass where I felt like my own birthday wasn’t mine. So I decided to do something extreme—something for me—to break this cycle once and for all.
Long story short, in just five days, I worked with a talented travel planner, and she booked one of the best trips of my life.
Enter Montego Bay, Jamaica.
Montego Bay
On January 27th, the day before my birthday, I landed on this beautiful island—all by myself. For six days, I stayed at a stunning, highly-rated beach resort, where I indulged in tropical weather, a luxurious ocean-view suite, the softest sand, and some of the best Jamaican food I’ve ever had. The people were incredibly kind, the scenery was breathtaking, and I got the most restful sleep I’ve had in at least three years.
The entire time I was there, I couldn’t believe it was real.
It all started with a desperate need to change how I felt about my birthday. That need led me here—to this unforgettable experience. And through it, I learned something powerful: big changes require big actions.
I had never booked an international solo trip before. But when I decided I wanted to, I found the right person to make it happen.
If there’s something in your life that you’re desperate to change, understand this: you will need desperate measures to make it happen.
And now, I’ve started a new tradition. A new passion.
For as long as I can, every birthday, I will travel somewhere I’ve never been and do things I’ve never done.
God is amazing.
Happy 35th Birthday to me !!!
“
If there’s something in your life that you’re desperate to change, you will need desperate measures to make it happen.
Self-Work: One Little Step
I don’t know if you’ve ever had the same pessimistic mindset about birthdays that I did—but if so, let’s change that!
If your birthday is still coming up this year, please do something for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a trip to Jamaica, but it should be special nonetheless. Plan a dinner with your loved ones, take a solo day to do all your favorite things, or treat yourself in a way that makes you feel appreciated.
And if your birthday has already passed and you didn’t celebrate it? It’s not too late! You can still honor yourself, even if it’s not on the exact date.
If you did celebrate your birthday this year, that’s awesome. And if you already have something planned, even better!
No matter what, I’d love to hear about it—so if you don’t mind sharing, let me know how you celebrated or plan to celebrate.
Take care and talk to you soon Rich Your Big Brother
Thank you Reader for reading this. The fact that you care enough to listen to what I have to say means so much. The world is a pretty difficult place sometimes, and our mental health can make all the difference. Please know that as long as you will allow me, I am here with you.
