(P.S I began this note before Christmas, but didn’t finish until Christmas Day, Merry Christmas!!)
Hey there! How are you feeling today?
I hope you’re doing well. And if you’re not… that’s okay. I’m just grateful to have you here with me. Whether you’ve been here before or it’s your first time, I want to thank you for sharing some of your time with me.
In my last note, I shared some very personal details about my bout with seasonal depression last year. With Christmas right around the corner, I think it may resonate with some of you. Feel free to go back and read it if you like, but today we’re doing something a bit different.
Each note includes a “Talk to Me” section where readers can share anything they want—thoughts about the note, related stories, or whatever is on their mind. It’s meant to be a safe space for venting or seeking advice.
Well, after my very first note back in July, someone responded! Unfortunately, I missed it because I took a small break after that note, feeling anxious about what I had written. Almost six months later, I’m here to share their story—with you and hopefully with them.
Before we dive in, I want to warn you that the subject matter may be difficult. But as Your Big Brother, I’ll do my best to help us navigate it together. If you’re ready, so am I…
No Name’s Story
Two roses to commemorate two friends
For your comfort and privacy, I never ask for names or identifying details in the stories you share. The story I’m about to paraphrase isn’t linked to anyone via email, phone number, or any other traceable information. Since I don’t have a name for them, I’ll call them No Name (clever, I know—if you’re a SpongeBob fan, you’ll get it).
Here’s what No Name shared with me:
No Name is struggling with a heavy situation involving close friends. Three years ago, they lost two friends, Liz and Ally, to suicide. Liz’s decision stemmed from issues at home, and despite No Name’s efforts to help, they couldn’t stop her. Ally’s situation was more personal. After a fight where No Name said hurtful things, Ally went silent and hasn’t been heard from since. No Name carries guilt, especially regarding Ally, feeling they could have done more to prevent it.
Currently, they’re facing two new situations. Their ex has been expressing suicidal thoughts, saying she wants to reunite with a late friend. Despite No Name’s efforts to support her, her past attempts and ongoing struggles worry them deeply. Meanwhile, their close friend Kelly is also at risk. Kelly’s been through serious hardships, and her boyfriend—another of No Name’s close friends—shared that she recently admitted she might not hold on much longer. This has left both of them on edge, fearing every time she goes offline. No Name also worries about Kelly’s boyfriend, who has his own struggles and depends on Kelly as his anchor.
No Name feels powerless and scared of losing these friends, who mean so much to them. They’re doing everything they can but feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all.
My Initial Thoughts
When I first read this response, I immediately regretted not getting back to No Name sooner. I was floored by the weight of what they were dealing with. All I could think was, “Damn, I wish I had said something sooner.”
I paraphrased their original message, but I want to make sure I honor the emotions they conveyed. I felt their pain in losing not one but two friends to depression. I felt their guilt over not saying or doing the “right” things to help. And even though it’s been three years, those feelings must be resurfacing with their current friends in similar struggles.
When I finished reading, I won’t lie… I muttered, “F#ck.”
F#ck, why didn’t I read this earlier?
F#ck, how could I let this go unattended for six months?
Are their friends okay?
Is No Name okay?
That one small word encapsulated everything I felt in the moment. I desperately wanted to check on No Name, but with no contact information, all I could do was hope… and pray.
So, No Name, if you’re reading this (and I truly hope you are), this next part is for you.
Hug
No Name, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for what you’ve been carrying these past three years. I won’t pretend to understand what it’s like to lose two close friends to suicide. All I know is my own battle with it and the struggles of those I love. What you’re experiencing is on another level entirely. Now, with friends in similar places mentally, I can only imagine how much more amplified your anxiety must feel.
I don’t want to call what I’m about to say “advice.” Advice doesn’t carry the love and support I’m trying to send your way. Instead, I want to call this a Hug—a space to acknowledge your pain, let you vent, and affirm that you’re not alone.
First, I’m so proud of you for sharing this with me. Holding all that inside is unbelievably hard, and your courage means so much.
Second, you’re an amazing friend. I don’t know you personally, but from what you shared, it’s clear that you care deeply for those you love. That’s a rare and beautiful thing, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Lastly, you’re incredibly strong. Carrying this weight for years is no small feat. It shows your resilience and your love for your friends.
Now that you’ve gotten your hug, I want to try to help—if that’s okay.
Help
As a Big Brother, reading your story instantly put me into protector mode. By sheer instinct, I started of thinking of ways I could help you, No Name. But I learned, in my past relationship of all places, that that is not always the right thing to do.
Sometimes, the person that is in distress just needs someone to listen. Someone to validate their emotions and literally just be there for them. This situation is called Help or Hug. I will explain this further in a future note, but for now just know that I want to give you both. But ultimately its up to you what you decide to receive from this note.
Tell Someone
No Name, the first way I want to help is by suggesting you seek help on behalf of your friends. From your message to me, it seems that they are in deep emotional distress and are struggling significantly. If you truly fear for their well-being, you need to let an authoritative figure know. If their parents are caring and supportive, talk to them first. Otherwise, you can also reach out to teachers, school counselors, or even the suicide hotline. You might feel like this betrays the trust of your friends, which I totally understand. But, trust me, if it can save their life, it won’t even matter.
Forgive Yourself
Next No Name, I want to give you permission to forgive yourself for the past. You need to know not only is this guilt extremely poisonous to your well-being, but its also completely unwarranted. What happened to Liz (and possibly Ally) is nothing short of tragic. Again, I cannot even fathom losing a friend in that horrific manner. But No Name, you cannot put that on your shoulders to carry around for the rest of your life. Just as you shared in your note, you did everything in your power to support your friends in need. It goes without saying how meaningful those relationships were with your friends. I am sure they could feel that too. So please, drop that weight… its not yours to carry.
God + Therapy
No Name… You have a one in a million soul. What you were able to bare for so long is nothing short of a miracle. But I ask you to do two more things. First of all, I do not know your spiritual background or if you have one. But perhaps tapping into a higher power could be everything you need right now. For me its God, and when I feel a weight on me, similar to the one you have, I call on him to take it from me. Of course, I want you to do what is right for you, but try it if you can. Also, and I say this with love, please look into utilizing therapy if you aren’t already. Is it scary? Absolutely! Uncomfortable? Hell yeah! But I promise, its a pivotal step that has helped lighten the load I carry with me always.
“
So please, drop that weight… its not yours to carry.
No Name I hope you are able to read this. I truly hope you do. But more than that I just want to know you are okay. If you don’t mind, I would love to hear an update from you if or when you are ready. Thank you for sharing, and I hope to hear from you soon…
Take care and talk to you soon Rich Your Big Brother
Thank you Reader for reading this. The fact that you care enough to listen to what I have to say means so much. The world is a pretty difficult place sometimes, and our mental health can make all the difference. Please know that as long as you will allow me, I am here with you.
