On my Mt. Rushmore of movie/show genres, sci-fi sits proudly next to horror. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a passion for science fiction. The SyFy channel (pronounced Sci-Fi) was practically my go-to growing up, well into my early 20s. One of my favorite shows as a teenager, while not on SyFy, was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The show, as the name suggests, is about a vampire slayer named Buffy who fought all sorts of monsters along with vampires. By the way, Buffy slayed vampires, fought demons, and battled spirits all while being in high school. I wish I was that productive in high school lol. I recently began to rewatch the show for nostalgia and stumbled across an episode I completely forgot. In the episode called “Teacher’s Pet”, Buffy’s biology teacher is eaten by a mysterious monster. The teacher is replaced with this very attractive and seductive substitute who has an eerie love for insects. Spoiler alert in case you want to watch this, but the substitute is the monster. And not just any monster, a giant Praying Mantis that seduces the teenage boys in her class in order to mate and then feed on them.
Unfortunately for Buffy, one of her best friends named Xander gets taken by the She-Mantis and hidden away in her dungeon. In a race against time, Buffy scrambles to find the weakness of the monster so she could… well.. Slay it. She suddenly recalls a biology lesson from her old teacher: the praying mantis, despite its cunning, quickness, and strength, has a profound fear of one of its top predators—bats. This fear was so evident, that the sonar of a bat negatively triggers the nervous system of the mantis. Causing it to panic and ultimately freak out! Buffy gets to the lair of the She-Mantis and plays a bat sonar recording which discombobulates the mantis. Allowing her to slay the beast and save the prince. After watching the episode I became so fascinated that I wanted to fact-check the bat sonar thing. And I was pleasantly surprised to see it was mostly true. I’m a nerd who loves details but I will spare you and give you the spark notes lol. Essentially, the mantis has evolved to be highly sensitive to ultrasonic sounds, such as that from a bat. When they hear a bat’s sonar, their bodies immediately begin evasive maneuvers such as zigzagging and dives from large heights. These maneuvers are natural reflexes to avoid their predators.
The Bat
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As I’ve mentioned in my first blog and others, my last relationship was incredibly emotional and damaging. (Emotional Damage!!! Sorry, that’s my ADHD 😂). It was extremely toxic and triggering—so much so that, even now, writing about it makes me anxious and causes involuntary tics. This is undoubtedly hard for me, but I know it’s an opportunity to grow.
One of the things about myself that I take major pride in is my ability to help others. My family, my friends, and even some people that kind of know me would easily refer to me as a problem solver. My calmness under pressure and ability to manage stressful situations is something I think many may admire about me. But.. My relationship with Sunny would be the storm that challenged my calm.
During the course of our relationship, Sunny had done and said so many things that hurt me – far too many to mention all in this one note. So instead, I want to focus on what I felt while I was with her.
Being Sunny’s boyfriend triggered my anxiety in ways I hadn’t thought possible. While I often smiled on the outside, internally, I was constantly on edge. Many times, just being near her would cause my anxiety to manifest in tics or stims—like picking at my nails or playing with my hair. Eventually, seeing her name pop up on my phone, whether for a call or a text, was enough to make my nerves spike.
Uncertainty was a constant companion in our relationship. I can’t count the number of times she initiated a breakup in inconsiderate ways, only to change her mind days or weeks later. Because of this, I never felt secure. I would overanalyze everything I said or did, desperate not to lose her again. She made me feel expendable, as if I didn’t matter—as if I wasn’t worthy of being a partner.
While I have battled depression way before Sunny was in my life, being around her definitely seemed to feed it. Through many of her words and actions in the relationship, I constantly felt as if I was failing as a boyfriend. No matter what I did to show her she how much she mattered, no matter how much I tried to support her in her dark times, no matter how many times I showed up even when I had nothing in the tank…it never felt like it was enough… it never felt like I was enough.
Beat the Bat
Writing this wasn’t easy, but I hope it brings clarity. If we’re sticking with the Buffy metaphor, I was the mantis, and Sunny was the bat. Only, in this scenario, it’s good to be the mantis.
Sunny’s actions, words, and presence negatively impacted me in ways that are sometimes too painful to speak. Being with her, in essence, disrupted my symphony of calm and ushered in chaos.
While I’m still working through the aftermath with therapy, loved ones, and my faith, I was finally able to leave Sunny. I beat the bat!
I don’t know you well enough yet, but I’d guess you may have some “bats” in your life too. These could be people who doubt you, make you feel small, or leave you feeling unloved. Or maybe it’s a job where you feel overworked and undervalued. Or… maybe it’s someone you love deeply but who can’t see how amazing you are.
Whatever or whoever these bats are, distance yourself from them. It won’t be easy, trust me, ending things permanently with Sunny was one of the most difficult things in my life. But I swear to you, its the best thing you can do for yourself and your well-being. You deserve to know peace, not chaos.
Self-Work: Find the Bats
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Things That Made Me Smile
In this section I want to share things that I saw that made my day. This will usually include a song I’ve been listening too, memes, maybe a tiktok or two.
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Rich
Your Big Brother
Rich
Your Big Brother
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